I'm going to rape someone's good day.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize