Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize