i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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