we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Randomize
