At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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