Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I could fuck to npr.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
