i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
