you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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