She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
