My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
