I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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