What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
