respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
