she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
