I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
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