omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I met the friendliest cop last night
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
