Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
