New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
