Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
