His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
it's like iHOP with fire
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
