I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
