i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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