not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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