YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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