pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
