Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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