if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
