I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize