he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
