he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
