he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize