My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I look better un-naked...
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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