He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
