using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
