like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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