Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
