i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
