I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
