So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
where are my eyebrows?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
