Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
