Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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