So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
