Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
only you would photoshop your dick
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize