Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
