Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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