Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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