Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
