U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
