I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
