do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
