Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
