Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
