the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i came on her dog
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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