can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
