At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
