i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
