Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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