I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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