I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
