my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
