Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
