I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
