Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
