My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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