Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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