she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
