nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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