He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
