i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
