Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize