we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
