We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
