I just saw a hot homeless man
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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