i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
