We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize