he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
