The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
