nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
