This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
