i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Come share oat with me in your robe
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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