we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
