I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
