this beer tastes like vomit already
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
