[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
