I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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