Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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