Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
