Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
