So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Girls should come with a carfax report
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
