i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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