There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
