I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
