sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
