Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
