I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
