I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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