The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
