Christians are straight up FREAKS
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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