Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
