My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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