Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
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