He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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