we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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