I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
