Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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