Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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