you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
