My room smells like vodka and shame
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
