If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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