yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
