Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
My liver just broke up with me...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize