True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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