i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize