I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
