Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize